A Former Pastor's Guide to Entering Chaplaincy

I pastored for about 15 years before resigning when my wife and I adopted four kids from foster care (you can read about that journey here). Part of what helped me make the transition from pastoring in a local church “back into the career pool” was finding my way in to chaplaincy.

Chaplains are typically ordained clergy working for non-religious organizations. The position gained prominence (if you can call it that) mostly through the role of military chaplains, though many people might have received a visit at some point from a hospital chaplain. My own experience has been as a hospice chaplain. I know others who serve as “workplace chaplains” serving employees at major corporations. I also know people who serve as chaplains to professional sports teams.

You might think of chaplains as “pastors for hire,” though that sounds much more crude than I mean it to be. But it’s sort of true. The term was originally associated with the Christian faith but quickly grew in to a multi-faith discipline. Chaplains provide spiritual support in professional contexts. Many chaplains have served as pastors, but chaplaincy is much different from pastoring (and this drives many pastors crazy).

Chaplains are not there to proselytize. Whatever your own faith background is your support system, not necessarily the patient’s belief system; it’s where you find strength, but it might not be where the patient finds strength. A chaplain’s role is, as much as possible, to help someone progress up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs through healing listening and spiritual support when requested. Our role is not to convert people before they die, or to “convert” them at all. The chaplain’s role is to meet the person within their own belief system to help them find comfort and strength. This is best done by providing space for the individual to birth their story. We are there to midwife their story. There is something powerful and healing about being able to speak honestly in a judgement-free space with someone who is simply there for you. This is not a criticism, but that is not always how pastors view their interactions with people. Pastors often believe that their role (because it is requested of them) to provide answers and to explain things; to help people “make sense of what’s going on.” This is not the role of the chaplain.

Chaplaincy is spiritual care. Chaplaincy is ministry. Chaplaincy is not only non-denominational, it is multi-faith. Chaplains are not there to explain everything or provide answers; chaplains are there to “companion” people through their difficult times. Most often, this means providing a safe space for people to talk about what they need to talk about without being corrected, judged, or directed.

As the covenant of the College of Pastoral Supervision and Psychotherapy says:

“We believe we should make a space for one another and stand ready to midwife one another in our respective spiritual journeys. Because we believe that life is best lived by grace, we believe it essential to guard against becoming invasive, aggressive, or predatory toward each other. We believe that persons are always more important than institutions.”

Chaplains provide spiritual and emotional support without directing the other person’s beliefs. And, since chaplains are not pastors (even though most are somehow ordained), their pastoral credentials are not sufficient. Most people who desire to pursue professional chaplaincy will need to pursue Board Certification. This is a process in which the candidate prepares an application packet, submits it to a certifying board and then sits in front of that board for an in-person interview. The board will then either certify the prospective chaplain or make recommendations. Many will pursue Board Certification as a Chaplain (though it is not required for every chaplain role) and this process begins with CPE.

Clinical Pastoral Education is an inter-faith, peer-reviewed learning process. It usually consists of 1600 hours of supervised and peer-reviewed learning. This includes 4 units which usually consist of 100-150 hours of supervised instruction/group learning and 250-300 hours of supervised clinical experience. This will also include “Case Studies.” Each program might require a different number of Case Studies (3-6 is typical per unit), sometimes also called “Verbatims.” Each student will document a patient encounter in as much detail as possible. This includes a section where the patient interaction is quoted “verbatim;” you write it out as clearly as you can recall including all dialogue. Your group will then offer constructive criticism of the interaction. The process requires humility and self-awareness and will push you in both.

It should be noted that not every CPE program offers Board Certification for chaplains. The most well-known CPE program is ACPE. If you want to be a hospital chaplain, this is the “go to” certification process. However, ACPE does not do Board Certification. Instead, they partner with the Board of Chaplaincy Certification Inc (BCCI). If you want to serve as a chaplain outside of the hospital context, I recommend the College of Pastoral Supervision and Psychotherapy (CPSP). ACPE will require that your clinical service hours be at an ACPE approved hospital. CPSP will often let you use your work hours (provided they’re appropriate) as your clinical hours. I have a lot of kids still in the home and ACPE just wasn’t a good fit for me. I work full-time as a Bereavement Counselor, and then I had to find time for my 250 clinical hours on top of that, including required overnight on-call shifts. It just didn’t work for this guy with a big family, but it is the most widely recognized program.

Once you finish your four units of CPE, then you sit before a board of your peers for certification. This process is not required for many chaplain positions, but it is suggested for job security and professional growth. I understand that this additional 1,600 hours on top of an MDiv (or whatever your ordination path was) may seem like an obstacle to many people. However, it has been a time of tremendous personal and professional growth for me. I spent 15 years as a “Pastor” and I’m just about to start my 4th unit of CPE. I feel like I’m just now beginning to understand how to offer spiritual support to people in a different way. I am so thankful for this process.

If you’re curious but not sure how to begin, the easiest way to find your way into chaplaincy is to find a small hospice in your area offering a PRN position. “PRN” technically means “Pro re nata” and is usually applied to prescriptions in a “just take as you need it” sort of way. It’s s a prescription, but only take it when you need it. This is a “PRN” chaplain. You are technically an employee of that company, but you only work when required. You will make visits to hospice patients, but this will also introduce you to the medical side of chaplaincy.

Most medical chaplaincies will require participation on IDG/IDT every other week. These are “Inter-disciplinary” groups or teams. Every other week, the entire care team including Doctor, Social Worker, Nurse/Case Manager, and Chaplain will gather together to modify the patient’s care plan. As a chaplain (particularly in the hospice context), you will be responsible for creating and implementing a spiritual care plan for the patient. Remember, our role is not to “convert” them but to help them find strength within their own existing belief system.

Chaplains are often former pastors, but they are not pastors. Chaplains are there to help people discover, communicate, and process their own understandings (“birth their stories”) of what’s happening to them. Chaplains are there to allow space for people to talk about what they need to talk about rather than directing them towards our own preconceived ideas.

There is so much more to be said, but for now I think leave off here. Please let me know your insights. Is there anything I missed or got wrong? Are you a chaplain? What has your experience been like? Are you also a former pastor? Was the transition from pastoring to chaplaincy difficult for you?

What else?

What Is A Heart With Ears? (The Discipline of Active Listening)

Yesterday, I wrote down some thoughts on my personal transition from serving as a Pastor to serving as a Chaplain. One of the biggest differences for me has been the emphasis on listening. This is not to say that there aren’t pastors who listen well. Of course they are.

But my own experience has been that pastors are often expected to not only listen well but to have all the answers; to “fix it.” Therefore, many pastors don’t end up listening all that well because they are internally trying to flip through their catalog of answers as you’re talking. Maybe this was just me. But I doubt it.

Chaplains usually have limited interactions with people and therefore must make the most of each encounter, because it really might just be our last. So chaplains must learn to immediately express empathy and trustworthiness and at the same time, somehow convey that this is a safe space. I am no there to fix your problems or to steer you in any direction. I’m just here to let you say out loud whatever it is you need to say.

I have people tell me about their marriages. I have people tell me about their siblings, their pasts, their loneliness, their bitterness, their regrets, their fondest memories. I have learned to be OK with not directing my conversations.

Yesterday I mentioned how one of my co-workers describes our job as learning to be “hearts with ears.” As I opined yesterday, it is not my job to fix your problems. It is my job to help you process them yourselves as you talk out loud. It is my job to listen.

It is my job to listen.

Shhh . . .

Quiet yourself.

The only ripples in the pond of our conversation should be the ones you make.

This is so much harder than we think. At least for me.

I like to be the Answer Man. I like to think of my reply while you’re still talking. But that’s not my job. And you won’t feel safe if that’s what I’m doing.

My job is to listen.

My job is to pay attention to your tone of voice, your speed-rate of speech, your pauses, your background noises, your level of coherency.

When I speak, my job is to make sure it’s still about you. My role is to help you process your feelings. And, I don’t understand why (though I have tried reading some clinical research on the subject) but we do this best when we are able to say our “Crazy,” our “Anything”; when we are able to speak to someone who will listen without judgment. My job is to find the place to insert the quiet ‘Mmmmmhmmm,” or “Tell me more about that.”

As I mentioned yesterday, this was a steep learning curve for me. I like to talk. I like to tell people what to do. I like people to know my opinions. In other words, I’m an arrogant human, just like you. But my job is to listen and I consider it a privilege when I am able to hold that sacred space open for someone who just needs to say something out loud to someone who will not try to fix it. I know that this drives many Christians mad; because, after all, isn’t our only point in life to turn every conversation to Jesus and GET PEOPLE SAVED? Well, no, I don’t think that’s our point in life, nor do I think it is helpful to most people.

This journey has caused me to deeply examine the ripples of my own pond. I know when I am giving someone my full attention versus when I am just watching the clock run or checking Twitter while you talk. It has forced me to come to terms with some difficult things in my own life; to find peace. Because how can I be expected to be a calm(ing) presence for others when on the inside I’ve got my own volcano ready to erupt? I have adopted breathing exercises and meditation. I’m that guy now. And I couldn’t be more thankful.

I encourage you to speak less (think more but speak less). I encourage you to listen. I encourage you to help someone unload their burden as you both leave it in the dust (it may or may not be yours to carry). I encourage you to show love by simply being a safe person without an agenda.

Why I Don't Use The "Stages of Grief" In Bereavement Counseling

I have been listlessly following the unfolding Ravi Zacharias predatory sexting controversy. I wish I was surprised by the deceptive, manipulative, and destructive side of yet another “Christian Celebrity” being laid bare for all to see.

But none of that mess is actually what I want to talk about today. Instead, while reading through this sordid saga (by the way, if you’re not following this story, it appears that renowned “Christian Apologist” Ravi Zacharias groomed a young woman for sexual predation via phone calls and texts), I found myself talking out loud to myself about one particular phrase. As the story unfolds, the woman upon Zacharias appears to have preyed involves her counselors. In the course of this narrative we find the following section:

“According to the Basels, in the month following the traumatic revelation of the affair, the Thompsons, especially Brad, offered Zacharias “premature forgiveness.” The Basels said both Brad and Lori Anne had not yet worked through the stages of grief and were stuck in a form of denial.”

“Brad and Lori Anne have not yet worked through the stages of grief and were stuck in a form of denial.”

I haven’t stopped thinking about this phrase since I first read the piece. It struck a deep chord that often comes up in my daily work as a Bereavement Counselor.

The Basels are the aforementioned counselors. I do not want to disparage anyone or question the work of other professionals and I hope that comes across. I am not criticizing their work or their approach and it certainly seems to have helped the people involved. But I did find myself responding out loud to that section: “Brad and Lori Anne have not yet worked through the stages of grief and were stuck in a form of denial.”

I hope I’ve built up the suspense enough that you want to know what I said to myself. I said: “That’s because the “stages of grief” weren’t meant for a situation like this. NO, they’re not in denial. They both admit what happened. They just don’t want to accept it. But that’s different from denial.”

As you might discern, this outburst was simply an internal dialogue given external voice. This is something I’ve thought a lot about. I have people ask me all the time about the stages of grief.

These questions are referencing the important and ground-breaking work of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. She spent hours and hours with dying people. Over the course of listening to these people, Dr. Kübler-Ross developed what have become known as the “5 Stages of Grief.” You’ve probably heard of them:

• Denial

• Anger

• Bargaining

• Depression

• Acceptance

Grievers reference these ideas all the time as if they are steps which we must complete in order to be “healed” from grief. One problem with this idea is that we do not heal from grief the same way we heal from other things. But another is that Dr. Kübler-Ross’ was not based upon nor intended for grievers. Instead, her work was based on her years spent with dying people. She developed these “stages of grief” (grief is the natural reaction to any significant loss or change and may include conflicting emotions) as a way to understand the process that many (NOT ALL) people went through after they had received a terminal diagnosis.

Her work was not based upon nor intended to help grievers; the bereaved; those experiencing significant loss or change. But, for many years, there was no evidence-based research on how to help grievers, so with an honest desire to help others, many people applied Kübler-Ross’, not to the one dying but the ones left behind grieving. And this approach has helped a great number of people. But that doesn’t mean that this is the best use of these principles or that there aren’t better ways to process grief.

I hope all that helps you better understand why I didn’t control my inner dialogue when I read those words: “Brad and Lori Anne have not yet worked through the stages of grief and were stuck in a form of denial.”

Of course I was not privileged to these private conversations, but I have had enough conversations with enough people in similar situations that I am willing to go on the record saying that I really doubt they were in denial. They knew what happened. That’s why they were in counseling in the first place. They just hated it. They didn’t want to accept it (which you have to do to move on in emotionally healthy ways), but none of this is what Kübler-Ross meant in her “denial” stage.

Kübler-Ross observed that many people who had received a terminal diagnosis actually wrested with believing this reality. Not just believing it; many people actively denied it. They pursued 3rd, 4rth, 5th opinions. They ranted about how doctors didn’t know anything and this Google article says that everyone is wrong. They rejected the truth in front of them. This is not the same thing as a broken couple grappling with the shards of infidelity. As I observed; they are in counseling (this particular couple) precisely because they are hurt by what happened. They don’t want it to be true, but this is not the same thing as actively denying that it happened.

As grief and bereavement work has continued, we have learned to appreciate and value Kübler-Ross’ work while also understanding that we have tried to apply it in ways never intended. This is our fault, not hers. We are all growing and learning and (hopefully) getting better. This means admitting when we’ve misunderstood or misapplied theories.

I know you’re not supposed to draw attention to a problem without also bringing a solution, but I didn’t really set out to explain what we might use instead of “The Five Stages of Grief” and that would make this post too long anyways (but if you’re really interested, may I highly recommend looking in to something like the Grief Recovery Method). This was more the type of post where I just had to say out loud the rest of the internal monologue and explain why I (and most Bereavement Counselors I know) no longer use these “Stages” to help grievers. Perhaps I’ll write about the other side of this conversation later, but in the meantime, I hope you at least understand my perspective.