The Societal Grief of COVID

These are heavy times.

The West Coast is on fire. Pandemic rages and cruel incompetence rules the nation. Violent far-Right white supremacists are the greatest local terrorist threat to our country. People are losing jobs, their homes, and even their families as Coronavirus reaps its deadly harvest. COVID has wreaked havoc on “social norms.” Schools are closed. Sports are gone. Church has been limited. No concerts. And it feels like we’re being ripped apart at the seams. Isolation hangs in the air with the ashes and anger seems to have spread nearly as fast as COVID. People are angry for being told they are their brothers’ keeper and need to love their neighbors by wearing a mask and social distancing. People who love their neighbors by wearing masks and social distancing are mad at the people who refuse to do so. Everyone is mad at politics.

In the broadest terms, grief is the natural reaction to any significant loss or change.

And we have had both. Loss of norms. Loss of customs. Change of schedules. Change of hopes and dreams. We are experiencing societal grief. We are all grieving together and yet separately. Isolation is one of the main complicating factors for most people right now whom I speak with after the death of a loved one. But I think there’s something deeper going on: we as a society have experienced loss on a grand scale, and we are grieving.

For some this manifests itself in depression and hopelessness. Others are consumed by anger. For nearly everyone, emotions are boiling and the kettle feels like its about to burst. That’s because grief is an emotional process, and emotions are energy. That energy must find release in healthy ways or bad things happen and I worry that that is exactly what is happening.

I don’t know what this means for an entire society but if you were one of my grievers, I would suggest that you learn more about yourself and what your healthy outlets might be. But to a whole country, I don’t know what to say except that grief does not produce new feelings; it amplifies what’s already there. If you had conflicted feelings about your mother before she died, you’re going to be conflicted after her death.

If you weren’t happy with your country in the first place; societal loss and grief are only going to exacerbate those feelings. The fact that tensions are where they are right now is not because of our grief; our grief has simply amplified what was already there. We are not a healthy society; nor are we a society that seeks to help all, even though that’s our tagline. Instead, we are an unjust society that favors whites and the rich and our entire system is designed for that. Which is exactly what it produces. Our justice system is unjust and our top officials are criminals.

If you were one of my grievers, we might talk about Kintsugi or how to hold a positive vision of the future in your mind so that you can incorporate your loss in healthy ways. But what how we help heal an entire culture?

It may sound trite, but remember that everyone you meet is struggling. Most people are not emotionally healthy right now. Whether it be COVID or injustice or both. With the president threatening to throw out ballots, there might not be much we can do at an institutional level, but at the local level; be a friend. Listen to someone without trying to fix them (this will be especially difficult for Christians who feel their only job it to get souls in to heaven). Just be there with them in their brokenness. Be the friend you would need during such times. Maybe this will attitude will spread.

We might not be able to cure COVID or Systemic Racism overnight, but we can be there for one another in our grief.