2021 Year In Review :: Favorite Movies

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As you might imagine; for someone who has eight children, I don’t get to watch many movies for myself (and by that I don’t mean “by myself,” I just mean “Not Watching Movies With Kids.”). Most of the movies I have time for are somehow kid-centered.

But five movies really stuck out to me this year, and they run the gamut. 8 hours of the Beatles rehearsing and breaking up. Somehow it both normalizes and enchants the creative process. A movie about fish boy finding himself, and a great introduction to the Velvet Underground. Oh, and a super-fun Marvel movie which I thought was their best in years.

But one of the movies that stuck out above the others for me was Pig starring Nicolas Cage. It was recommended to me as a powerful meditation on grief and, as a Hospice Chaplain and Bereavement Counselor, I was hooked. It did not disappoint.

The Beatles: Get Back

Luca:

Pig:

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings:

The Velvet Underground:

  • Browse my favorite albums of the year

  • Browse my “2021 Yearly Wrap-it-Up” which is really a ramble about seeing Phish

  • Browse my favorite books of 2021

  • Browse my favorite movies of 2021

  • Browse my favorite television of 2021

  • Listen to a nearly 5-hour very low quality mix of one song from each of my favorite albums of 2021 called “Soundtrack to the Collective Meltdown”

Grief: When You Come To This Trench, Swim Through It, Not Over It

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You know the saying: “Nothing’s certain in life except death and taxes.” We are born to die and love away the days in-between. But if death is certain and we are born to love (and receive love), then grief is also certain, isn’t it? Grief is the natural reaction to any significant loss.

But this is counter-intuitive. It’s against everything we’ve been taught. We’ve been raised to pursue comfort. And grief is certainly not comfortable. So we try to avoid grief. We repress our emotions. We just try to get through it. We won’t let ourselves cry (especially in front of other people). And our society somehow equates doing any of these things as “giving in” and as weakness. So we try to avoid grief.

And we experience another loss.

Which now weighs on top of previous losses.

And the unresolved grief knots itself inside us.

You know the saying: “Just rip the band-aid off.” Just get through it. Some things just need to be faced. Though this is more blunt than I’d like to be, the sentiment remains. We will never completely “get over” grief, but it can get easier. And for that to happen, we must move through our grief.

There is a scene in Pixar’s Finding Nemo, in which Marlin and Dory ask directions from a school of John Ratzenberger fish and we find the following exchange:

School of Fish : “Oh and one more thing: when you come to this trench, swim through it, not over it.”

Dory : “Trench. Through it, not over. I'll remember. [swimming to catch up with Marlin].”

Dory : “Hey wait up there's something I gotta tell you. [sees the trench]”

Dory : “Woah. Nice trench.”

Of course they try to go over the trench. And Jellyfish Mayhem ensues. If you haven’t seen the movie, I highly recommend it. When we try to go around or over or under or avoid our grief, jellyfish mayhem does not occur. We become anxious, angry and/or depressed. We become stuck.

It seems counterintuitive, but the best way to deal with grief is to move through it. We need to allow our emotions to run their course. We need to let ourselves cry. The true strength is found in what the world considers to be weak. Pull out the photo albums. Watch the videos. Listen to the songs. Smell the smells. Eat the food. Visit the places. Because grief is evidence of love and it is a thing to be celebrated.

  • Watch Finding Nemo at Amazon.

  • Purchase The Grief Recovery Handbook at Amazon.

  • Browse my previous posts about grief.